Women & Body Image

I want to express my thoughts on this topic but I don't know that I will be able to accurately portray them.

I started pondering the paradoxes of women and their self or portrayed body image this weekend as I watched a bartender in her tight jeans and short shirt, exposing a skinny but un-toned midriff and love handles.  While I admire her confidence to dress as such, I felt it was not a delightful sight to see.  Of course, I was in a biker bar and the guys, I'm sure, didn't mind at all.

Why  are women so judgmental of others?  Why do we decide what someone else should or should not be wearing?  Do we hold ourselves to these same standards?  Are these standards holding ourselves back from accomplishing our goals and a better self-image?

I believe "strong is the new skinny".  I look at skinny people and find them to be unappealing.  I look at strong women, regardless of their dress size, and find them much more appealing and usually portray a more vibrant air of self-respect and overall positive outlook.  One of my goals is to lose weight, but this is not to attempt to become "skinny", I want to lose fat and build muscle to become "strong".

I cannot determine if my judgments towards others are holding me back.  I don't compare the "skinny" ones to how I look but I do question what they see in the mirror when they look at themselves.  As do I.  If they see something worthy of wearing those tight jeans and short shirt, am I looking to closely at the reasons why I think I shouldn't be wearing those tight jeans and short shirts?  Is my perspective of myself holding me back or motivating me?  If it's motivating me, what am I being motivated toward?  To being "skinny"?  I don't want to be "skinny" so then starts the battle of self-image and wondering if I'm holding myself back due to being unable to quit fighting with myself.

"Strong" women I admire dress much more understated, respectful.  This starts an entirely new inner battle.  If I get "strong" am I allowed to wear what the "skinny" girls are wearing?  Their clothes are cute.  They are small.  This is what society has taught us, to be "skinny", to wear those size 0 jeans.  So, here I am, conflicted.  Frustrated.  Loathing the societal ideal that women are to be "skinny" not "strong".  Wondering if I will have acceptance as a "strong" woman.  Will I accept myself?

TurboFire: First Thoughts

I started P90X on 4/4/11 which I love but I kept hearing such good things about other Beachbody programs.  I was interested in doing something more fast-paced and upbeat.  After discussions about the benefits and energy of other programs like Slim n 6 I ordered TurboFire.

Workouts/schedule
I received TurboFire yesterday, today I decided to try a workout to see what this is all about... WOW!!  I tried HIIT 15 and Stretch 10.  I need more coordination and energy to keep up with Chalene!  She is amazing!  Once I started figuring out the moves and listening to the music I was much better at keeping up with the changes.  I have a LOT of work to do!

The dvds came with a 5-day Inferno Plan.
Step 1: Estimate your body fat percentage.  I don't have a way to accurately measure so I used a couple online calculators (http://teambeachbody.com/eat-smart/nutrition-tools/body-fat) (http://scientificpsychic.com/fitness/diet.html) to get an estimate.  Between the two, my body fat percentage is 15.6% to 17%.
Step 2: Add more calories.  The meal plan that came with TurboFire's Inferno Plan is designed for women with a body fat percentage higher than 20%.  With my weight and body fat percentage, I need to add 100 calories to my meal plan.  I recently increased my daily calories from 1400 to 1750 so I am not going to increase my calories right now.

Meal Plan
It's time to go shopping for the new meal plan according to the Inferno plan!  There are foods on here I typically don't eat so I may need to change it up a little bit.  Or a lot.  The more I look at it, the more I find foods that are not within my eating clean plan or foods that make me sick.  Hmmm, maybe I can't use this meal plan.  For example:
Day 1
Breakfast:
1 slice low-fat turkey bacon
2 slices whole wheat toast
1 egg, scrambled
1/2 tomato, sliced
I don't eat wheat bread, it gives me migraines.  I don't eat eggs, they make me nauseous and bloated.  I'm not sure about the turkey bacon.
Snack:
1/2 medium banana and 7 walnut halves. - Ok, as long as there isn't much fruit in this plan.
Lunch:
3 cups mixed greens
4 oz water packed tuna
5 cherry tomatoes
1 stalk celery
3 scallions
2 tbsp fat-free ranch
I don't eat fish, I have never liked it.  I don't eat onions, they cause digestion problems and body odor.  Fat-free ranch is disgusting, it's fake and is NOT allowed on my clean eating plan.
Snack:
Shakeology with water, almond butter and blended with ice.
This is what I usually have for breakfast.
Dinner:
4 6-oz chicken breast halves
1/3 c dijon mustard
1 tbsp parsley
salt
4 c broccoli
4 tbsp parmesan cheese
garlic
This is something I would eat, except the parmesan cheese.

Daily totals:
Calories: 1183
Fat: 41 g
Protein: 107 g
Carbs: 101 g
Fiber: 16.5 g

So, obviously I need to make some modifications.  The calories are way too low.  Not all foods align with clean eating.  We'll see how that turns out.

Time Management

I am the worst (or best) procrastinator in the world.  I put off the not so fun stuff in order to do all the fun stuff.  Or I handle the "quick" things and run out of time for the more important things.  I need to learn how to regulate myself.

Everyone has this problem, at least from time to time.  Yesterday I had the intention of starting dinner and then going outside with my daughter.  I got wrapped up in so many other little things that the evening came and went and I hadn't hardly spent any time outside.  I am realizing that I need to get better at prioritizing, at home and at work, and learn to step away from my phone and my laptop.  I hate my addiction to technology.

What do you do to manage your time?

How it all began. . .

Someone asked me today how long it took me to get where I am. This is my story I shared with her.

My journey started 3 years ago when I left my abusive husband, took my 18 month old daughter and started my life over from NOTHING. I weighed 172 pounds, worked full-time, grocery money was hard to come by. I didn't know how to manage my time so I ate a lot of value meals from work (soda, burger, fries), ate a lot of salad and pasta at home and never worked out. 

Four months later (summer of 2008) I joined a gym and went every morning for 2 hours and at least one day every weekend for 2-3 hours. I lost 30 pounds in 3 months. Then I started school part-time along with working full-time and my gym attendance really slipped. The next summer I tried to recommit like I had the previous summer but I couldn't make myself do it. All I have managed to do since 2008 was "maintain" which in reality I had gained back ten pounds and was eating horribly again. 

I started watching P90X transformation videos on YouTube after watching a couple of infomercials at 3am during a week of really bad insomnia. I found Barbie, I wanted her success, I wanted everyone's transformation story to be my own! A friend unexpectedly came into my life, talking about P90X and Monavie. After a few months, her life turned upside down but she had given me a precious gift, her P90X dvds. She told me to keep them or sell them if I needed the money. I kept them. 

In the meantime, I added Barbie and a half dozen other coaches as friends on Facebook and I was watching them. Learning what they did on a daily basis. Learning about their goals, their personalities. The only one I connected with was Barbie. I tried starting P90X, every time I had to do Plyo I gave up. I gave up P90X all together. I was so miserable. I started looking for all the "quick fix" options. Nothing worked. I was getting more frustrated and depressed. 

At the same time, I was driving my boyfriend crazy. When we met I was going to the gym at least 3 nights a week and now I hadn't gone in almost a year. He saw me becoming so negative about myself and life in general. He told me I need to make up my mind and do this for myself. I knew he was right but I still didn't think I could do it, I didn't think I could find the time. 

Around Christmas I saw Barbie's clean eating challenge. I decided to try it. I failed miserably. Barbie offered samples of Shakeology, I jumped on the offer. The chocolate was so sweet that I told myself no, I'm not getting it. A few months later Barbie offered a sample cleanse pack, I again accepted the offer and THIS time, EVERYTHING CLICKED! I was hooked, I was ready. 

Well, I at least was SAYING I was ready. I ordered Shakeology and started using it everyday. I joined my coach's accountability group, I've read everyone's stories, their success, their failures. Everyone there motivates me, keeps my feet on the ground, reminds me not to be so hard on myself because all that ever accomplished was telling myself I couldn't do anything. 

I started Barbie's clean eating challenge on March 19th but I still wasn't working out. I was 150 pounds of saggy flab. After 2 weeks I had lost 4 pounds and 12.5"!! I was amazed! I then challenged myself to see what I could do with clean eating AND P90X. I started P90X Lean (to avoid Plyo) on April 4th. Tomorrow is day 30 of P90X Lean, day 24 of Ten-Minute Trainer and I've been doing my best to eat clean every day since March 19th.


There is so much more to tell!  Especially about the amazing people in my life who have been instrumental in my successes.  I love my family and my friends.  I would be lost without them!

04/2011

09/2008